Your fiancée is imprisoned. What do you do?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Stir up drama in her prison, end the engagement, and focus on writing	304	38.53%
Produce a video essay that examines the carceral state	485	61.47%
Total	789	100.00%

Which do you find to be the greater problem?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
The declining health of American democracy, beset by shadowy special interests	540	68.44%
A controlling significant other that threatens the existence of a Neil Diamond tribute band	249	31.56%
Total	789	100.00%

You need cash, quickly. What is your course of action?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Become the spokesperson of Mucinex™ Nightshift, formulated to fight your worst symptoms so you can sleep great	413	52.34%
Rely on the generosity of viewers like you	376	47.66%
Total	789	100.00%

What coping strategy best helps you navigate the vagaries of life under modern capitalism?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Engaging in an impassioned, hard-headed analysis of all that exists	273	34.60%
Having a random sense of humor	516	65.40%
Total	789	100.00%