Your fiancée is imprisoned. What do you do?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Stir up drama in her prison, end the engagement, and focus on writing	330	39.33%
Produce a video essay that examines the carceral state	509	60.67%
Total	839	100.00%

Which do you find to be the greater problem?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
The declining health of American democracy, beset by shadowy special interests	567	67.58%
A controlling significant other that threatens the existence of a Neil Diamond tribute band	272	32.42%
Total	839	100.00%

You need cash, quickly. What is your course of action?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Become the spokesperson of Mucinex™ Nightshift, formulated to fight your worst symptoms so you can sleep great	437	52.09%
Rely on the generosity of viewers like you	402	47.91%
Total	839	100.00%

What coping strategy best helps you navigate the vagaries of life under modern capitalism?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Engaging in an impassioned, hard-headed analysis of all that exists	290	34.56%
Having a random sense of humor	549	65.44%
Total	839	100.00%