Your fiancée is imprisoned. What do you do?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Stir up drama in her prison, end the engagement, and focus on writing	331	39.36%
Produce a video essay that examines the carceral state	510	60.64%
Total	841	100.00%

Which do you find to be the greater problem?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
The declining health of American democracy, beset by shadowy special interests	568	67.54%
A controlling significant other that threatens the existence of a Neil Diamond tribute band	273	32.46%
Total	841	100.00%

You need cash, quickly. What is your course of action?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Become the spokesperson of Mucinex™ Nightshift, formulated to fight your worst symptoms so you can sleep great	438	52.08%
Rely on the generosity of viewers like you	403	47.92%
Total	841	100.00%

What coping strategy best helps you navigate the vagaries of life under modern capitalism?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Engaging in an impassioned, hard-headed analysis of all that exists	290	34.48%
Having a random sense of humor	551	65.52%
Total	841	100.00%