Your fiancée is imprisoned. What do you do?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Stir up drama in her prison, end the engagement, and focus on writing	313	38.74%
Produce a video essay that examines the carceral state	495	61.26%
Total	808	100.00%

Which do you find to be the greater problem?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
The declining health of American democracy, beset by shadowy special interests	550	68.07%
A controlling significant other that threatens the existence of a Neil Diamond tribute band	258	31.93%
Total	808	100.00%

You need cash, quickly. What is your course of action?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Become the spokesperson of Mucinex™ Nightshift, formulated to fight your worst symptoms so you can sleep great	424	52.48%
Rely on the generosity of viewers like you	384	47.52%
Total	808	100.00%

What coping strategy best helps you navigate the vagaries of life under modern capitalism?

Answer	NFrequency	%Percent
Engaging in an impassioned, hard-headed analysis of all that exists	280	34.65%
Having a random sense of humor	528	65.35%
Total	808	100.00%